Does that make me a grand-mother, a troop leader or a pastry chef?

So, our promiscuous adolescent cat Smores had her litter in my closet last night at about 3 AM. I was having this weird dream that I was in an abandoned building trying to save some kitten stuck in a pipe. I finally woke to realize the mewing was REAL! Here are some pictures:

There are 6 kittens (not 7 as I had originally thought): one black, one orange tabby, two orange and white, one orange tabby and white, one white with orange and black patches. Since smores are an invention of the Girl Scouts (betcha didn't know that) and my oldest girl is a Scout, we decided to name the kittens after Girl Scout cookies.

Black: Double Dutch (because "Thin Mint" is a dumb name for a cat)
Orange Tabby: Samoas
Orange and White: Trefoil and Do-si-do
Orange Tabby and White: All-About
White with Orange and Black patches: Tagalong

I have Grand-Kittens!!

Surya Bonaly's Soul Sister

I've been sitting on this news for about a week, meaning to blog it. I keep putting it off. What drives me now is that I should be working and I neither feel like doing laundry nor like actually doing the work I will be paid to do, so instead, I'll blog.

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I got a rejection from Simon and Schuster's Atheneum that I'll file under "DAMN: faint praise." I won't name editorial names so as to protect the guilty, but here's a bit of a quote.

I was very excited to read ON THE EDGE. I did competitive roller skating when I was younger—and always wanted to transition to ice! However, I'm afraid the manuscript didn't quite work for me. The technical bits about skating (what it feels like to be jumping, spinning, etc.) were fascinating, but in the end, Elayne's voice struck both Emma and I as nice, but not particularly memorable.

I think it's really interesting that this particular editor got OTE since I was a competitive roller skater too back in the dark ages. If she was of a certain age and lived in the NY/NJ area as a kid, we might have actually competed in the same division.

On the other hand, having OTE labeled as "nice" but not "memorable" leaves me puzzled. It causes all kinds of crazy thoughts because one of the very things I was told to do was make Elayne "nicer" and "more sympathetic." I don't think OTE the novel lost the edge of OTE the serial... but I suppose it's possible. Or maybe that's not what she meant after all.

I guess the best thing I can do is not read too much into what anyone—even an editor from a big time house—says. I am discovering that one big difference between the agent search process and the agent-selling-to-editors process is that in the latter, people are actually honest and try to give substantive reasons for rejection rather than just fobbing you off with a non-informative stock rejection.

It's a double edge sword. Until I got an agent to actually tell me what she really thought, I couldn't fix anything. But hearing the truth, REALLY HURT. Over all, I think I prefer real rejections to stock ones.

But I know why agents and editors use stock rejections. A while back, I found a novel on figure skating. I asked the author for a review copy and he sent me one. I don't think he really understood what I wanted it for... or at least the letter which came with it was so incoherent as to confuse ME as to what he thought I wanted it for. Anyway, on reading the first couple chapters, the book was shockingly awful: stilted dialogue, info-dumps, a maid-and-butler scene, a description in the mirror, a preposterous, if not flat-out, idiotic plot... then I got to the skating. The author didn't know an Axel from his elbow. There were so many technical mistakes on one page that I just put the book down in disbelief. The poor pile of pulp belonged in the circular file, not someone's bookshelf. The nicest thing that could be said was that it had attractive cover art.

I had two choices. Either I could review it and take a chance on the bits burning right through my web server's hard drive. Or I could decline to review it and write the author a short stock note. Except I have this thing about not writing stock notes. So, I wrote as carefully worded as possible a rejection as I could muster. Diplomatic I am not, but I tried. I told him that the book did not meet our standards and I was sorry, but PI could not review it.

His reply was a stinging assessment of just how worthless PI is in the grand scheme of things. He went on and on about what a crook I was and what a doofus I was and so on and so forth that I could not find the value in his masterpiece. Finally he demanded return of his book or payment of $13 for it. First of all, books sent on review are generally not returned whether they get reviewed or not. It's a promotional expense. Second, I can get toilet paper a lot cheaper.

Now, perhaps it's true that PI is not the biggest web site in the world. We are the biggest skatefic site in the world and we have the most faithful readership of skatefic in the world... and, as I've said, you never know who someone knows.

Anyway, this experience showed me in spades exactly why agents and editors don't give you anything but stock rejections. Besides being time consuming to generate, there are always nutcases out there who will waste even more of your time and energy fussing about your rejection.

And incidentally, for his $13 book, said nutcase—I hesitate to call him an author—sent a registered letter with an envelope and another demand for the return of his book... spending about $10. He didn't, however, include return postage. My response was a nice letter saying that I'd be delighted to send his book back... on his dime. I have not heard from him since. I think I trashed the book.

It's not even worth sending to the library.

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It's just over the two week mark with my daughter's genetic tests. We should know within the week if one of them came back positive. A positive result will just mean that we know for sure what's wrong. A negative result means that we have to go and do more traumatic tests: a needle biopsy or a muscle biopsy under general anesthesia.

She actually seems better than she did when we first started this. I don't know if this should make me hopeful or what. I think that one thing the reading makes really clear is that the progression of dystrophic diseases are so uneven, and so individualized that it's really impossible to say what the prognosis is. My daughter could be walking into her 50s, or she could need a power chair when she's 13. It's just so tough to tell. We don't know what will happen until it actually happens. I'm going to need more serenity than I've ever managed to muster to manage this... and i wonder where it's going to come from. My MIL sent me a neat little picture:

At any rate, I got a call from the Muscular Dystrophy Association on my business line one day. They "lock up" business people and ask them to help raise donations as their "bail." This is kind of funny, and slightly cheesy, but this year it hits really close to home. I can't think about it without tearing up. This is so very personal for me. Muscular Dystrophy isn't just some theoretical disease that some people's kids get that can't touch me. Muscular Dystrophy is in my life on a daily basis. On my donations page at the MDA is a picture of my own baby girl.

So please, help me raise my "bail" and make as generous donation as you can manage to the MDA. You can use a credit card through my MDA donations page or download the donation form and mail a check. Please do it enough before May 5th so that I can have everything ready to go when they come to take me away.

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And so, figure skating had their World Championship last week. I spent hours in heaven, watching every blessed program on Italian TV's Internet news feed. RaiSport RULES. I also spent a lot of time composing blogs for SkateFAIR's newest project Countdown to the Next Figure Skating Judging Scandal. I'm tickled even more so because my posts are 4 of the 5 most read and have the most people commenting (good and bad). It's nice to know that regardless of merits, at least what I write is provocative.

So why are we harping about scandals when TV says nothing? Well, here's a clue. Apparently, sports broadcasting is SO considered "not news" that "the vendor" ie, the ISU which has spent its time protecting cheaters, supporting the incompetent and punishing whistle-blowers, gets to say what the TV announcers can and cannot say. Yes, that's right. Rumor says that the ISU gagged Terry Gannon, Peggy Fleming and Peter Carruthers. Worse yet, there are credible rumors that Dick Button wasn't even invited because of his out-spoken criticism of the ISU's short-comings. Dick Button is an American institution!

Shame on ESPN. Shame. SHAME! Bad dog. No biscuit!

Figure Skating Rejections...

So, I got an email from my agent today. I briefly pitched an idea for a YA non-fiction book about a famous figure skater via email yesterday. When there's some more information, I guess I'll elaborate. I'd at least like to secure the skater's cooperation and possibly a contract.

The other tidbit of information was that there had been a response from one of the publishers who was reading On the Edge. Random House - Knopf Books for Young Readers rejected it because "despite the fascinating subject matter, it's too commercial."

Too COMMERCIAL?!

I thought "commercial" was a GOOD THING? Color me clueless yet again... at least figure skating is "fascinating." I asked my agent to send me a copy of the actual rejection—that's pretty standard. Half it's a way to make sure they're doing their job. The other half... well, so I'm a glutton for punishment.

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I joined SCBWI a couple weeks ago and finally got my membership packet. I am whelmed by it. It's got a nice listing of publishers, good information and a long list of members... many of them local to me. Of course, the vast majority of the members in the region are "up North" so "We don't do much down there." Kind of peeves me as there are a good 20 people here and that's enough to get some good stuff going.

Anyway, the main reason I joined as that I heard that it give you little extra brownie points with editors. I don't know WHY it would as anyone can pay their $75 and join... only that it's supposed to. Maybe it only works for "members" who actually have previously published work, rather than plain "associates" who just paid to play.

I'm going to try to market a picture book that my agent isn't interested in over the transom (that's the little window over the door that authors used to throw manuscripts through). We'll see if it makes any difference. I don't really plan on a career as a picture book writer... but I have a few lurking around in my head that I would love to see done. I guess we'll wait and see.

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My littlest girl goes to the pediatric neurologist tomorrow... probably for more tests, getting blood drawn, maybe muscle taken for a biopsy. I guess we'll find out when we get there.

I am pondering whether to have my oldest daughter (and myself) tested as well. I don't have to worry about getting medical insurance myself, but I don't want some company telling my girl that she cant get insurance or that they won't cover her children because she has a "pre-existing condition" ie a genetic disease. On the other hand... I don't want her going through life not knowing what's wrong with her... why her health is so much weaker than everyone else's.

The challenges just multiply!

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And last but not least, the online community of writers to which I belong lost one of it's nearest and dearest yesterday. Bea Sheftel passed away yesterday morning. I didn't get along with Bea. She frequently annoyed me, often to the point where I was so angry that I would write scathing replies and then delete them. I almost kill-filed her. Bea saw in black and white. She simplified everything down to where it ceased to mean what it actually meant. It drove me up the wall because I see shades of gray. We were just fundamentally different—and far too much alike.

I couldn't dislike Bea. There are people that you may not be able to agree with, but whom you sense "mean well." Well, Bea meant well. Bea was easily as outspoken as I am. She was a woman of strong opinions and strong convictions. She was always helpful, often compassionate, sometimes wise. She wasn't "Saint Bea" but she was "Bea, a good person." She wasn't a hypocrit. She put her hands, and her time, and her money where her mouth was. You have to respect that. I do.

I felt guilty at first, because I had thought to make peace a few days ago when I heard Bea was sick. I had a bad feeling. I get them sometimes. I had a lot of regret at first that I didn't speak up and let her know that I didn't dislike her and that I did admire the goodness in her. Maybe I didn't want to be friends... but I didn't want to be enemies. It's a hard thing, knowing that chance is gone. I don't like regrets. I usually run my life such that i don't leave things unsaid, or things undone, that i don't have things to regret that I can't change... well, this one I can't change. Like I said in my post to Momwriters, "She knows now, but I wanted to tell her myself."

Figure Skating Cranks, Stalkers and Nutcases

Back to your regularly scheduled program of skating and publishing...

So... an author friend of mine is being cyber-stalked. She wrote a really kick ass suspense novel where one of the bad guys is the Mormon church—which covers up a heinous crime. She's an ex-Mormon and so apparently she both knows whence she speaks AND she knows the difference between truth and fiction.

This novel of hers, Wives and Sisters has drawn a lot of criticism from the Mormon community, most of whom haven't read it. It's been widely and well reviewed... except by the Salt Lake Tribune, which isn't quite—but might as well be—an official organ of the church. They hated it.

Now this weird guy is stalking her. He's signing up for all kind of Mormon and Ex-Mormon forums pretending to be her, and saying all kinds of nasty stuff. He's leaving 15 evil, abusive blog comments a day on her blog. He doesn't even appear to be a Mormon himself—anymore. Rather, he's an ex-Mormon. Color me clueless, I don't get what this guy's problem is or why he has latched on to my friend to persecute.

Anyway, the point I'm coming to is, when On the Edge does finally get published—and I'm coming to believe that it will—who's it going to offend?

I mean, OTE the Serial offended lots of people. It offended people who didn’t think OTE was all that good or deserved all that much attention. It offended people who didn't like what Trev had to say about being sexually abused. It offended people who didn't like how OTE vilified Russians or suggested that domestic abusers could actually change.

OTE the Serial actually got me cyber-stalked by some nutcase woman who was jealous of anyone who remotely appeared to be a bigger Ilia Kulik fan than she was. This woman followed me around, posted nasty responses to my posts, canceled newsgroup posts, drove me off RSSIF... scared me a little. After all, at that point, I was a housewife with a really amateurish web site. Why was this woman obscessed with me? There really was no answer... she was a nutcase.

So anyway, back to who I'm going to offend. I'll probably offend half the parents in the country. OTE the Serial was pretty graphic as far as sex and it's been a hard choice whether to "tone it down" for the YA market. I haven't yet decided if I really will or not. but it makes me wonder if I'm going to be the subject of book burnings and bannings. Well, bring those on, you can't BUY press like that. I hope The Onion writes a satirical piece about how OTE promotes profligate sexuality among today's youth. J.K. Rowling will be eating my dust.

Excuse me, I was dreaming there...

Anyway, like I told my friend Natalie, when you write something controversial you shouldn't be surprised when you get people stirred up. But the nutcases... I am not looking forward to the nutcases. Skating is just full of 'em.

A Late Update

I meant to post this a long time ago, so, I back dated it... but this one is new.

Figure Skating Fiction Gets Submitted

Fear. Uncertainty. Doubt.

It is with a heavy heart that I undertake to write this. I have been telling people for the last several days--bluntly--perhaps so that they are as afraid as I am. I try to convince myself of the facts.

This is not so bad.

It could be so much worse.

We can cope with this.

We can fight it tooth and nail.

Beneath my bravest face lies an untamed maelstrom of terror, in depth and breadth like an angry sea. I'm not brave. I'm wrapped in cotton wool. Shocked. Alone. When reality pounds away the protective coating... what will I do then? I'm frightened my friends. Those black waters are wide and deep and I am so small.

What throws me onto this dark shore--me--who eats editors and newbie writers for lunch? A nightmare. I can't wake up. Every morning, it hits me again, rolling over me like a tsunami. I can't wake up. I can't even drown. I move through the motions of life... working, telling people, giving a birthday party for my middlest.

On Thursday, my precious baby tested positive for muscular dystrophy. It's not the worst kind, which would doom her to an early death. It's some other kind... maybe even a virus which will get completely better. The numbers are not so bad. But her decline has been heartbreaking, inching slowly for her, but quick for me, who now knows that I saw the signs and didn't know what they meant.

She is 3.

She struggles up the stairs, hanging by both hands from the rickety banister. Or she goes up on her bum, or on all fours... like a baby half her age. From a seated position on the floor, she climbs to her feet, pushing with her hands, walking them toward her body until she can lift her torso, and come wobbling to her feet. If you so much as brush by her, she falls. If you make her walk too far, she crumples to her knees, bonelessly, loose-limbed. If she tries to step up from the street onto a curb without a helping hand, she dissolves into a puddle her arms reaching toward me to pick her up. She's so heavy now... too heavy because I am weak. And I want to scream and scream, keening for my bright, beautiful "big girl." She becomes a baby by inches while I watch.

It seems like it's only been a couple months... but I realize writing this, that is not true. Her balance has been bad for half a year at least. She has been fatigued and grouchy for months. That was never like her. I thought she was just "being 2" very late, finally coming into it when she was nearly 3. She had always been such a delight, too good to be true. She was entitled to some twoness, wasn't she?

Now she says, "Mommy! I climbed the stairs all by myself!" Like she did when she learned to poop in the potty. Like it's an achievement. I can't watch her struggling up those stairs, because reaching the top is an achievement. I can't watch. I have to hold myself from leaping after her, catching her off-balanced little body, carrying her up. She is so heavy.

At the playland, a little girl knocked her over. I flew to her, seeing myself as over-protective for the first time ever. The children were running races, back and forth past her. It took every ounce of my will to let them run. No. Stop! You might hurt her! Come to Mommy. Don't run. Don't waddle. Don't make me see what is happening to you. And I wanted to cry right there in McDonalds.

I didn't.

I can't.

I am afraid for the future, my friends. I am afraid of what will happen when I am able to feel again. She still seems so healthy... but I can't watch her climb the stairs, or not run, or stand up from the floor. I'm in agony. I try to stay calm, keep my mind on the facts, but beneath what I know is what I feel...

There but for the grace of God go I.

Figure Skating Fiction Gets Submitted

PMA pitched On the Edge and Desperate Times to seven publishing houses/imprints. Every house they pitched to wanted to see the books!

Here's the list:

Penguin (Razorbill)
Warner
Simon and Schuster
Random House (Knopf Books for Young Readers)
Bloomsbury
Harper Childrens
Hyperion

I was thinking that OTE would be right up Razorbill's alley... but Penguin's financials are looking kind of dicey. Se we'll see. I'm praying that more than one publisher wants the book. If that happens, we go to auction... and auction means $$$,$$$.

Anyway, the excitement has been killing me for officially a month tomorrow. For agented books 6-8 weeks is a reasonable turn around. I still have a month to wait.

Figure Skating Fiction Does

Just a short post to let everyone know that I received the executed contract from the agency. Guess they didn't make a mistake. It's real, folks.

It really is real.

Figure Skating Fiction Promotion

It came to my attention this week that an author of my acquaintance, who writes romance novels and figure skating mysteries for Big 6 publishers was coming under attack for translating and posting foreign language figure skating articles on her web site. "She's only doing it to promote her books!" They said.

Good friend and fellow skatefic author Jennifer Lyon (The Strong and the Sequined) opined that it might be because said author was not an active participant in the communities she frequented. I can see how it might look like that, but having hung out online a long time myself, I know it's not true. This particular author was already on rec.sport.skating.ice.figure when I arrived in 1997 posting under her real name (as opposed to the pseudonym she writes under). She actively participates on the SkateFic mailing list (no relation to my web site SkateFic.com) and is very generous with her time and experience. She also posts to SkateFans now and again.

But aside from the fact that this person is indeed a long-standing member of the online figure skating fan community, I want to share a bit about the realities of promoting books. There is an old adage in publishing that says that advertising does not sell books. The upshot of this is that a mid-list author—which is basically everyone except Stephen King and John Grisham—might as well expect no further support than a box full of review copies and maybe a press release from the publisher. Anything that gets done is done by the author.

And there lies the rub.

Fiction doesn't pay enough to hire a big time publicist. I, myself, am planning to spend pretty much the sum total of my expected advance for On the Edge (maybe $5K if I'm lucky) on a publicist and some advertising. Reaching what readers there are left is difficult, expensive, and time consuming. Reaching readers in appropriate affinity groups—people who would in read your book because they have associated interests, like figure skating fans are for this author—is key to any author's strategy.

I am somewhat fortunate that I managed to keep Skatefic.com going all these years (our 7th anniversary is this coming February). I have what is called in the business "platform"—that is a venue from which to promote my books. I have divined some sour reactions when I talk about my site on various online forums. Yet discrete promotion is about all I've got. The author we're discussing didn't even have that.

So she created it. She is a native speaker of a foreign language so she scours the online sources in that language for figure skating articles and then translates them. She uses those article to draw people to her site where she promotes her figure skating mysteries. In the book business, this is sheer brilliance. I knew what she was doing the moment I got to her site and I thought, "MORE POWER TO YA, GIRL!" The public gets free articles that they would not otherwise be able to read. She gets attention from an important affinity group. And BTW, it's not like she is stealing or lifting anything illegally; the translations are hers to do with as she likes.

It's all good!

So if it is now entering your mind that the large purpose of this blog is to promote my web site, and my fiction and increase my Google rank... say it ain't so! You mean people really do try to promote their own interests? Wow. Never. The next time someone whines about getting free translations of figure skating articles or seven years of free figure skating fiction, they might think seriously about how it is that us authors pay the daycare and the electricity. It's by selling books, mainly to people who might be interested in buying them... ie figure skating fans. "She's only doing it to promote her books!"

WELL DUH!

Figure Skating Fiction Will Never Sell

Never say never!

Last week, out of the blue, after four years of searching, sending 125 queries and having well over 60 literary agents read at least a partial of my figure skating novel, I was signed to an agency contract by Peter Miller at PMA Literary and Film. Miller is the big time. He's one of the top agents in New York City.

Needless to say, it took me days to recover my composure, I was so shocked. My first reaction was... nothing. Miller asked how I felt about them representing me and I couldn't think of anything to say except that I had given up hope of ever finding an agent and didn't feel anything, but I was sure that I would be very happy when I was capable of feeling anything at all ... who knew that the emotional reaction to a dream coming true was numbness?

After I stopped feeling numb—it took a couple days—I was overcome with a terrible fear that I was going to wake up—that it was a joke, a mistake, that any moment the agency would call and say they were wrong, that I wasn't the author they meant to tap after all. At the same time, there was this curious sense of relief. As an author, I had come within a hair's breath of giving up. I really had. I had come to terms with the idea that even a great book does not guarantee that the big time agent and Big New York Publisher contract will happen... I could go through life without an agent, and a deal. I could hand down a few POD copies of my book to my grandchildren and be proud of it because how many people write a book, much less a series? Ya gotta write for yourself.

The next emotion I was remotely aware of was this growing sense of anxiety and panic. You see, the agents offered to sign me based on the strength of a partial manuscript. They had never read the entire book! To say the least, this is unusual. To say the most, I've never heard of it happening to anyone.

It took me the better part of five days to get the manuscripts out. That was Friday of last week. I am still on pins and needles. Until I get an executed contract back from the agent, I have to live with this deep seated unease that he can change his mind. In some ways, I'm bearing up. In others, I'm not. Of course, the truth is, he could change his mind anyway, regardless if they sign or not. The contract has a 90 day out.

At any rate, I dreamed an impossible dream. It came true! Could there be a better Christmas present? So today, I went to the bookstore, walked among the stacks... and dreamed.